he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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