Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
