She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
