Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
