just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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