she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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