I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
