He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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