i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
