I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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