Your favorite bartender is back from prision
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
