this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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