I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
