were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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