just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
