So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
