cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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