Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
