oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
