he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He passed out mid-signature
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize