God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize