I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was born a porn star she said
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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