Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
