I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
