I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
