perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were trust falling into bushes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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