He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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