Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
