just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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