Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
