My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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