non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
