If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
