I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
