I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I came so hard my ears popped.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize