and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
