He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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