I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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