It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
