Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
