Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
