Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
