I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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