We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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