During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
