Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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