Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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