maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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