The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
