Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
