True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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