I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize