I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
