i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
