I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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