while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
