you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize