My underwear smells like fireworks.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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