I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
