I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize