if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
