just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
