I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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