Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
