this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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