If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
