Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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