There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
