I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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