somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
