She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
