they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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