Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
