You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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